Language Warning, I wrote this after my best friend was being a stupid, back-stabbing moron.
[pre]The pain,
my flesh,
ripped open.
The salt,
the wound,
it stings.
The blood,
the sweat,
the tears I shed.
The pain,
the love,
the fear I felt.
Will you die?
Will you do something permanent
for something temporary?
Or will you live?
Live scared?
Live scarred?
Or will you lash out.
At me.
With a dagger of salt.
I was a friend.
A close friend.
A best friend.
When darkness came, I was there.
When the light shone, I was there.
When heaven and hell collided, I was there.
I was your friend.
Your close friend.
Your only friend.
I took your beatings.
I took those meant for you.
I took those from you.
And you hurt me.
You shredded my heart
with a dagger of salt.
You hurt me.
You left me.
You turned your back. Again.
But this time, I turned too.
This time, when you used me, I stood up.
You tried, you lied, you failed.
You pretended to explain.
You pretended to plead.
Just like you pretended so much.
I didn't buy it.
Every thing else you've ever sold, I bought.
But not this.
I shocked you.
You hurt me.
You thanked me for making you feel like shit.
Truth hurts.
Knives hurt.
Salt daggers hurt worse.
You hurt.
Damn you.[/pre]
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
^ This whole section just seemed needlessly angsty. These are cliches that I've read many times before, and they're not even expanded upon.
^ This part all seems rather unnecessary.
^ The dagger of salt would have been very nice if it hadn't already been mentioned in the second stanza or so. The repetition of this idea later in the poem, as well, only hinders. I know that Daggers of Salt is the title, but it's over-explained.
The rest of this poem only seems to rehash the same ideas over and over.
^ Isolated, or in a more concise poem, I might have found this sarcastically funny, especially given the line breaks. But here, it's just another continuation of the rant. Next time, it might be better if you calm down a bit before writing a poem about anger.
Hehe. who's the guy? maybe we both do know him.
Wow, I really enjoyed reading this poem. I love how you used the symbolism for the salt. Everyone knows that salt dries up snails and burns when it is poured on a wound. duh. lol. I don't know why I told you that.
Hmmm.... We must know the same guy.
In any case, good poem. Nice break from Robert Frost. I like how you kept bringing back the salt dagger.
But now that I just got done shredding Frost's poems for symbolism, I'm doing the same to yours for the salt dagger. I liked the way you handled your tone throughout the poem. It gave more emphasis on what the person was feeling.
Again, I liked your poem a lot.
Dreamer